The Long Journey
by Jade MacGrath
Summary: Elizabeth escapes Replicators and certain death with the help of an ascended Ancient. But ascension for her is only the beginning… and going back where she really belongs might be the most difficult challenge she ever experienced. John/Elizabeth. R&R!
1. Chapter 1

Title: The Long Journey

Disclaimer: I don't own Stargate Atlantis. Stargate Atlantis owns me.

Pairing: John/Elizabeth

Spoilers: Adrift, Lifeline

Summary: Elizabeth escapes Replicators and certain death with the help of an ascended Ancient. But ascension for her is only the beginning… and going back where she really belongs might be the most difficult challenge she ever experienced.

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Chapter One

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Elizabeth gazed out her window, silently staring at the amazing sight. The sun had just gone down. The sky was getting darker. She could already see the first evening stars appearing. The striking resemblance with the real Atlantis was remarkable. A perfect replica... If she didn't know better, she'd swear she was home, safe and sound.

But she wasn't.

Elizabeth wasn't sure of exactly how much time had passed since her team's getaway, but if the Replicators had taken them, she would already know. But she hadn't heard anything, or seen anything. She was all alone, in a sealed room, wondering what would be her fate.

"Go!" She screamed as the Replicators surrounded her, as Ronon dragged Sheppard away. The look in his eyes was branded on her memory. She knew that look. It meant that he would do the impossible to bring her back.

But she didn't dare hope for it. Atlantis was too vulnerable at the moment.. And even if she was saved, there was still a good chance that she'd be considered compromised and relieved of her duties as expedition leader… she was half a machine, now…

Suddenly the door was opened, but Elizabeth didn't turn to face the newcomers.

"Doctor Weir," said Oberoth, entering the room with two other Replicators flanking him. "I thought you would be pleased to know that your team, unfortunately, managed to escape my soldiers."

Elizabeth couldn't help but show her relief, and she turned to face him with a smile. "Indeed I am, Oberoth" said Elizabeth, her smile slowly dissipating. "Why am I here? I thought I was a prisoner."

"Yes, you are. Don't be misled by your accommodations. You are heavily watched, inside and outside this room. You're much too important."

"And you're wasting your time. I won't tell you anything. I actually don't know anything. Atlantis left Lantea, and I'm not informed of her current location."

"Don't underestimate yourself, Doctor Weir. And don't underestimate me. The knowledge you have of this galaxy as well as your own can be useful."

"I won't be responsible for the destruction of my people."

"You are part Replicator now. That makes us your people as well."

"Go to hell, Oberoth. I'll never help you."

Oberoth sighed. "I was afraid it would come to this.. And since you've been so persistent with resisting out merges, I'm eager to try something new." He held up a small glowing crystal.

Elizabeth frowned, but before she could say anything, Oberoth touched the object with his other hand and the glowing stopped. A second after, Elizabeth's knees buckled and she hit the floor. Pain radiated from every nerve in her body and she tasted blood in her mouth. Breathing was becoming harder and harder…

Oberoth touched the crystal again and Elizabeth gasped for air like a diver hitting the surface. She coughed a few times, caught her breath, and summoned up the strength to look at Oberoth in the eyes.

"This little crystal is what is keeping you alive, Dr. Weir. It controls the nanites in your body. You just experienced what lies ahead for you if I decided to turn it off permanently."

" I won't tell you anything, Oberoth," whispered Elizabeth, still on the floor.

"I suggest you reflect on my offer, Doctor Weir. I'll see you tomorrow morning."

They turned to leave and as soon as the door slid shut, and she was alone once again, Elizabeth crawled to the bed and rested her head on the mattress.

She breathed deeply, trying to calm down, as the tears threatened to overtake her. Her team was safe. Atlantis was safe. It was all that mattered.

As this final thought fueled her, Elizabeth managed to stand up and make her way to the window again.

Oberoth thought she would be broken. Again, he underestimated her.

And then Elizabeth lost count of the days.

It wasn't important anymore. Day in and day out Oberoth would come posing the same question, and when Elizabeth would resist, he'd take out the crystal and watch her writhing at his feet, his face a stone wall. The most important thing for Elizabeth became resisting the pain, but her own body was betraying her. It was unable to cope with the damage the nanites were inflicting her. Even when the torture stopped, the pain never left her. But she clung to the thought of Atlantis, safe and intact somewhere out there in the galaxy, and that was all that mattered because by now, she knew that if Sheppard was unable to save her, she would die there, but would she be damned if she gave those machines what they wanted.

It was on a night where she was lying at the foot of her bed (she almost made it to the mattress but not quite, almost), turned on one side as it helped her breathing, that she

felt a hand on her head, gently stroking her hair. Elizabeth slowly opened her eyes, and found herself looking at a woman with long red hair.

"I admire your courage, Elizabeth. I know very well myself what it's like to give up everything for the safety of Atlantis."

"Oberoth sent you?"

"Not exactly. His actions made me decide to come," the woman said, smiling kindly, still stroking Elizabeth's hair. "You don't have much time left."

"I will gladly die than say anything."

"Death it's only the beginning of the journey, my dear. You'll understand everything when it's the right time."

Elizabeth closed her eyes and concentrated on her breathing once again. Each breath was an effort, coming in sharp gasps. The woman slid her hand down to Elizabeth's chest and the pain disappeared from her body.

"Soon, Elizabeth," the woman whispered as she watched Elizabeth drift into a long-needed peaceful sleep. "Soon, everything will be clear."

When she woke up, Elizabeth thought she dreamt the mysterious woman. But she felt better, and in the following days she kept seeing her. She eased her pain, and tried to teach her how to escape the torture with her mind. She kept repeating, "You have to sever the mind from the body and the pain will have no effect. It is the only way to survive."

Elizabeth tried her best, but the torture was more frequent and the pain lasted longer.

Oberoth was growing more impatient every day. Weeks passed, and he still had nothing in his hands. He finally admitted defeat. And as much as he hated arriving at this conclusion, Elizabeth forced his hand.

So the next time he paid her a visit, he gave the order not to revive her if her vital functions were to fail. If she was so adamant about not telling him what he needed to know, then he had no interest in keeping her alive any longer.

Oberoth told Doctor Weir these exact words, but the only response this gauged was a simple nod from Elizabeth. A fighter to the end.

"You brought this on yourself", he said, and gave order to switch off the nanites.

Elizabeth felt life fading away. She tried to keep her mind separated from her now dying body, and surprisingly enough it was much simpler this time. The pain, the fear… somehow they didn't matter anymore.

As blackness began to surround her, she was just vaguely aware of the Replicators screaming around her bed. She wondered why, but soon the answer to that question ceased to be important.

Then she found herself in the Gate Room of Atlantis. But she was all alone. Before Elizabeth could call out, a voice interrupted her.

"They are not here," said Makaria, standing near the Stargate. "In fact, we are not in the real Atlantis. I just thought you would be more comfortable in a familiar place."

"Why? Who are you?" said Elizabeth, walking down the stairs to reach the woman.

Makaria smiled, "Elizabeth, you disappoint me. I thought you figured it out by now."

It was then that Elizabeth realized this wasn't first time she had heard that name. Of all the times this woman helped her free herself from Oberoth's torture, it was only now that Elizabeth realized she had had seen her face sometime long ago. Here eyes widened slightly… Makaria. Historian, diplomat, daughter of the second to last Chancellor of Atlantis. And she was smiling politely in front of her.

That would mean that she was…

"An ascended being? Yes, I am. And now so are you."

"But that's impossible. I never followed the path to ascension."

"You followed my advice. I was trying to teach you how to ascend without interfering with your condition. The fact that you were dying simplified the process."

"Then I want to go back. Send me back to Atlantis."

"I'm sorry, you can't."

"Ascended beings can regain human form if that is their wish."

"True. But they have to experience ascended life first. After a while, they can decide to go back, if that is what they really want. But I think you'll find your new life as good and rewarding as your previous one."

"You cannot force me."

"It's not my intention to do such thing. I'm just asking to give a chance to this life."

"And then you'll let me go back."

"I promise. If this still will be your wish."

"I won't change my mind."

Makaria hid a smile. That conversation was bringing back the memories of the day she ascended. That day she was at Elizabeth's place, standing where she was now, saying the same words to her Ancient mentor, with the same tone. She considered it a good omen.

Makaria smiled, signifying a change of subject. She led Elizabeth through the empty hallways of the Atlantis in Elizabeth's mind, explaining to the rules of ascended life. Soon other ascended Ancients began to appear, going about their business, nodding politely to acknowledge the presence of the newcomer. Makaria was pleased by the look on Elizabeth's face: it was recognition and awe mixed with genuine excitement.. She could tell the merely being in their presence was a dream coming true.

She was starting to understand, perhaps. A chance to live with the Ancients could be an invaluable opportunity to have all her questions answered about Ancients, Atlantis, and so much more… Makaria came to love Elizabeth's pragmatism in the years spent watching over her, and she knew what the woman was thinking right now: if she couldn't go back to Atlantis, then she would make the most of her incredible experience.

And so Makaria left her.

As soon as she was alone again, Elizabeth walked to the balcony, her balcony, and gripped the railing like she often did on her many talks with Sheppard. The wind blew her hair around and she shut her eyes.

She could almost see him there, alone at night, looking at the stars… She didn't know what the new planet looked like, but for some reason she liked the idea of multiple moons in the sky of Atlantis' new home…

She let her hands slide down the banister as she heard Makaria's voice calling her name, interrupting her daydream.

Maybe it was just a fantasy now, but one day, Elizabeth promised herself while she walked away, it wouldn't be anymore.

At the same moment in Atlantis, John was looking at the two moons in the sky. The new stars were a pleasant calming sight as well. Elizabeth would have loved them.. _And she will_, he promised to himself. Because he couldn't let himself believe otherwise. He gripped the banister.

"Sheppard? This is McKay, come in."

John shook his head, tapping his ear piece.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm coming." He started walking towards McKay's lab.

Elizabeth wasn't on that balcony, but he knew exactly where he would find her, because she came to him every since he left her on the Asuran homeworld.

In his nightmares.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter two

If there was one lesson John learned from Elizabeth, it would be patience. John preferred action, but if he really wanted to take Elizabeth home he would have to play his cards right. She was alive out there, he knew she was. And he would convince everyone else of that, too.

But everyone else saw it for what it was. Elizabeth was dead. The Replicators didn't try to contact them and negotiate her liberation, and they had no reason to believe they would keep her alive if they couldn't use her in some way. The last eye-witness account of Elizabeth's whereabouts was from John himself, and what he saw was her being surrounded. With her nanites fully active, the only logical conclusion was that she would be overcome after the first merge, and if she survived, she would be one of them.

All logical reasons. Good reasons. But John refused to believe it.

However, even his belief wavered when he finally had the authorization he needed to take a team to Asura,

John and his soldiers were prepared to fight, but no fight occurred. It was like they were waiting for them. Oberoth himself came to meet them, and told them how Elizabeth died. He recalled in gruesome detail how her human organs shut down due to the mechanical additions. He called it, "An accident that they couldn't foresee." An accident…

Just a few weeks earlier, Ladon Radim contacted John about some rumors on Elizabeth's disappearance. According to him, she was seen on a remote planet before passing the Stargate. But since information is only as reliable as the source, John never considered it. If only… John wanted to tell them that he knew the truth, but he decided instead to play that game.

The Replicators produced Elizabeth's body. She was in in a metal coffin, ready to be taken home, and John gave order for the coffin to be transported onboard the Jumper. _Patience, John_, he kept repeating in his head. _Patience_.

"Why are you doing this?"

"Doctor Weir was half Replicator," replied Oberoth. "That made her one of us."

"All the more reason for you to keep her here."

"You have your ways and we have ours. You can leave her if you wish."

And with that Oberoth turned and walked away, leaving John to choke on his own caustic desires. He watched Oberoth disappear and thought about the next step. For the first time he didn't want to come near the Jumper. He didn't want to see her lying there, cold and still. And for a moment, he could still pretend it was all a nightmare, like the ones he got since Elizabeth's disappearance… But he knew they had to get out of there, so he ignored Lorne's sympathetic expression and went in. He tried his best not to look at the coffin while entering the ship, but he ended up staring at her for a long moment before powering the Jumper and flying away from that planet. Unfair. It was all unfair. So many things were left unsaid…

"Sir?" asked Lorne, once in proximity of the Apollo.

John awoke from his reverie and looked at the Major with the same cold eyes he had reserved for Kolya when he announced he had killed Elizabeth oh so long ago.

"Yes, Major?"

"Should I alert Colonel Ellis to go ahead with the plan?"

John nodded. Rodney, onboard the Apollo, watched the Replicator girl he created disappear in a tractor beam, ready to reappear in the Control Room to help them wipe out the Asurans. When he saw the planet explode from a safe distance, he finally felt Elizabeth's death was avenged.

And suddenly Elizabeth stopped in the middle of a sentence.

"Elizabeth, dear, is something wrong?" asked Makaria, with a worried expression on her face.

Honestly, Elizabeth didn't know what to tell Makaria. In her head there were only flashes of images, emotions, and everything was spinning so fast that she could focus on nothing…

Then she felt John. His pain, his rage. His guilt. The confusion in her head ceased, but it was still an overwhelming feeling. And there was something else… something concerning Replicators… surprise, and then nothing more than silence…

"I think… I think my people have just retaliated on the Replicators. Because of my death. I can feel it…"

"Focus, Elizabeth. Describe it to me. Was it like a sixth sense? Or more of a fist to the stomach?"

"The second one."

"That's because you are still tied up to both the Replicators and your people. You have to let go."

"You cannot ask me this, Makaria."

"I'm not saying this because I want you to suffer, Elizabeth. There will be a lot of pain in your people's souls in the forthcoming months. You were a beloved and respected leader, and you will be greatly missed. Do you honestly want to feel all of them grieving for you inside your head? It would be enough to drive anyone insane."

Elizabeth couldn't argue with that. Makaria was right. The woman took her hands and told her to take her time to say goodbye.

"Elizabeth, you are an ascended being. To you time is of no more relevance, and that is a good thing."

"I still want to know. How long it's been since…since it all started."

"Does it matter if it were a day or a year? Things won't change."

Elizabeth would beg to differ, but she didn't say anything.

She had always defined herself with her work, but now that that part of her life had been taken away from her, she wasn't sure what she should do with herself. All the time in the universe was hers, and Makaria was sure she would come to accept it, but Elizabeth didn't share her optimism.

Especially when letting go was harder than she imagined. The pain she was feeling in her head, like Makaria predicted, was more than she could bear. Slowly it got better, but it never left her. She was still holding on to something, someone…

It had been her decision to stay behind, but John blamed himself for her capture and her death. The satisfaction revenge had given him wore off soon, leaving a bitter taste in his mouth. Every night he would toss and turn in his bed, haunted by nightmares, but he would never go see the new psychologist about that. The only thing Elizabeth wanted was to tell him it wasn't his fault. To stop taking every damn thing that went wrong in the galaxy as a personal failure.

But she didn't have a way to deliver the message. Not at the moment. She didn't have the knowledge. That would mean she had to start listening to Makaria's lessons and learn to use her new abilities. But Elizabeth discovered soon enough it wasn't an easy task to accomplish. McKay could read minds, move objects with his thoughts, even levitate in his brief experience with ascension. Elizabeth still had problems invoking a storm, the most elementary of tasks according to Makaria, and she had been an ascended beings for months now.

Her friend kept saying it was only a matter of concentration. The moment she would truly embrace her new life, she would also start controlling her powers. But Elizabeth was frustrated with her lack of results. And against all predictions, she really started to like her new life, she left behind everything and everyone… well, almost everyone… what was still missing?

The answer came to her unexpectedly during another try. Elizabeth almost laughed… it was a reason so stupid, she never considered it.

She knew she could do it, but she didn't think she really could. She was still thinking as a human, with limits and boundaries. Now that she was an ascended being, she had to follow a whole new set of rules.

They were in the middle of a deserted field. The sky was blue and the two suns irradiated a harsh, bright light. Elizabeth wiped the sweat from her brow, and looking at the little trees on the hills nearby, she wondered how they managed to grow in that torrid climate.

Makaria seemed unaffected by the light or the heat. She just encouraged Elizabeth to try and try again.

Following her epiphany, Elizabeth closed her eyes and concentrated harder. She pictured the field and the sky in her mind, and her desire to mitigate the climate. She remembered herself, she was an ascended, probably one of the most powerful creatures in the galaxy, and that she could do everything with her mind…

A raindrop hit her on the forehead, and Elizabeth opened her eyes. Makaria smiled broadly and pointed at the sky. Elizabeth looked above her and saw big, dark clouds hovering over them. She heard thunder rumbling in the distance, and a few moments after, the storm began.

Makaria laughed, "You did it!"

Her joy was contagious. Elizabeth started laughing as well. She opened her arms, and let the rain soak her completely.

But it was all downhill from there. The more Elizabeth gained confidence with her powers, the easier it became for her to use them. And the more she lived with Makaria, the more she appreciated her new life. She was still missing Atlantis, but she had so many things in return...

Once her basic education was completed, she was allowed to meet the former Chancellors of Atlantis. To her surprise, they all recognized her with the same title. She met Janus, and thanked him for helping her other self saving Atlantis and the lives of the other expedition members. Most of the Ancients Makaria introduced her to, shared their memories of Daniel Jackson and of the short time he passed with them.

They didn't say anything directly to her, but it was like they were silently warning Elizabeth not to make the same mistake Daniel did. Probably that was also the reason why she was still not allowed to go to Atlantis. But if she let her mind wander, it was like she could really be there. Her favorite fantasy was the one in which she was joining John on the balcony at night, to watch the sea and the stars with him. She never imagined that such a mindless habit would be the thing she would miss the most. Not the work, not the city. That simple moment with him, that little tradition they created the day Atlantis emerged from the ocean after her ten thousand years of sleep. Sometimes they would discuss work, but most of times on that balcony they were simply John and Elizabeth. She had to find a way to go there. Elizabeth owed that to John. She couldn't believe it, but she actually found peace in her new life, somehow. She had to help John find a little peace as well.

When Makaria and Janus announced to Elizabeth that her exile from Atlantis was finally over, Elizabeth found it very difficult to keep her emotions under control. She didn't know if her agenda would be considered an interference by the other Ancients, and getting caught breaking the rules wasn't something she would like … but everything was forgotten the moment she appeared in the middle of the Gate Room with her two chaperones.

Makaria warned her before that they could only watch, without revealing their presence, and Elizabeth agreed to it. But now, she felt tempted to withdraw her promise. She closed her eyes and let the energy of her people flowed through her. It was like she was once again one of them. Inside, she felt that mixture of guilt and pain that she had gotten used to in the last months, but nonetheless she couldn't help the smile spreading upon her face as she searched the familiar faces for the most familiar of all.

Elizabeth finally spotted John going out onto their balcony, but before she could move, she overheard a conversation between Rodney and Katie. They were watching John as well, completely oblivious to her presence. And yet they were so close to her she could almost touch them.

"… and he's suffering, Rodney."

"And what should I do? I tried talking to him, but he doesn't want any help!"

"He needs you, Rodney. He needs his friends. Maybe he didn't tell that with words, but…"

"Katie, we are talking about Sheppard, here. When he will feel like talking, and I'm stressing 'when', I'll… Teyla will be there for him, I'm sure. But in this moment, the last thing he wants is people here reminding him that Elizabeth is dead. And for that matter, how she died."

"I know. Maybe you're right. But I still can't believe it. And yet, I was there when they took the coffin through the Gate."

"We were all there, Katie. It was Carson all over again."

"But they gave us back her body. Surely that was unexpected."

Elizabeth looked at Katie, confused. She knew from the SGC report on Daniel's ascension that when it happened the body disappeared as well as the soul. What was she talking about?

"They didn't need her anymore. It was just a pathetic attempt to look less guilty. I'm happy I blew them out of the sky."

Katie was going to reply, but before she could, Rodney received a radio message from Zelenka, and after a short excuse to Katie, he ran to his lab.

Elizabeth turned to face Makaria.

"What were they talking about?"

Makaria lowered her eyes. Elizabeth then asked Janus, and the man explained to her that seconds before her ascension, Replicator managed to probe her mind again.

"You weren't fighting them anymore, and even for a few seconds they had full access to your memories and thoughts. From those memories and your DNA, they created another Elizabeth."

"W-What?"

"Their intention was to send her back to Atlantis as a spy, but the parts of her inherited by the real Elizabeth Weir – you – emerged and led to her escape from the fake Atlantis where she was living. The Replicators eventually hunted her down and killed her before she could go back to Atlantis, but their actions didn't go unnoticed as they had hoped."

"The Replicators heard that rumor of your sudden reappearance," added Makaria, "but they didn't know if your people would believe it or not. Then the other Elizabeth tried to escape again. She died in the process. And a few weeks after that, Sheppard led a rescue team to Asura. He didn't believe the explanation Oberoth gave to him about your demise. I don't have to remind you how he reacted last time someone told him you were dead."

"It was when I felt those confusing feelings towards Atlantis and Replicators? Makaria, answer me."

Makaria nodded, and Elizabeth felt the universe spinning. Her face was in her hands. Too much information in so little time… She needed air, she needed to collect her thought. Instinctively she ran for the balcony. But only when she realized she couldn't feel the breeze on her face, did she remember John was standing there, too.

Elizabeth took advantage of her invisibility and got closer to him. The pain she saw in his eyes made her heart ache. It was her fault. She wasn't dead, but John would probably never discover the truth. And even if she would go back, would he be able to forgive her for what she was putting him through?

"I'm sorry, John…" she whispered, gently touching his shoulder. She didn't think he could feel her, but then he reached up and absent-mindedly covered her hand with his.

"I miss you", he whispered, with that soft tone of voice he used only with her. Elizabeth closed her eyes, fighting back the tears, and slowly took away her hand. In that moment Rodney reached John on the balcony. He sighed.

"You are not the only one missing her, you know? I was her friend, too."

"I know that, McKay," John replied without turning. His tone a little stronger than he wanted.

"At least now she's on Earth. No one will hurt her anymore."

"She's not there."

Rodney frowned, and so did Elizabeth. "What are you talking about?"

"I can feel her. She's still here. I know that sounds crazy, but every time I'm here at night, it's like she's here with me as well..."

"You are right. That sounds crazy."

"Thanks, Rodney…"

"I feel guilty, too, you know. If I didn't…"

"If you didn't activate that command, the Wraith now wouldn't be a race on the verge of extinction. Have we finished?"

"Y-Yeah. Sorry," said Rodney, and walked away with another quick glance at John's back. Elizabeth went back to look at John, still a little shaken by what happened before Rodney's arrival. _He felt her_. Every time she fantasized of being there with him, she wasn't using her imagination. She was using her powers…

Elizabeth decided there was no point in wasting time, and to waiting till John would go to sleep to proceed with her little plan.

Meanwhile, Makaria and Janus made Elizabeth meet with the ascended Ancients that still lived there. The woman explained that they were scientists that never severed their connection to their city.

"They could go anywhere, do anything… but they decided to stay here. More now than before… because of you," said Makaria.

"What do you mean?"

"When your expedition came through the Gate" said Janus, "and woke up the city again, they saw you as the new start this city needed. They decided to stay and help you without interfering… much. They are all walking a thin line, here…"

"We never saw anyone, except Chaya and Galas Lal."

"Because, like Janus said, we are all walking a thin line here and we don't want to be banned" said a tall, blonde girl, coming in their direction. "But if we could help you, we did. And we'll do it again."

"Elizabeth" said Makaria, "meet Verna. Verna was one of our most brilliant scientific minds, back in our mortal days."

"It's an honor," said Elizabeth, bowing her head slightly. Verna returned the gesture, and then started chatting about the researches McKay and Zelenka were conducting in the lab. She clearly was fond of the Czech scientist, and found McKay extremely irritating.

"Sometimes I wish I could manifest and give him a nice and hard slap in his head!" Said the girl, and Elizabeth couldn't help but laugh. It was really a common feeling within the people who met Rodney.

Then John appeared in the corridor, talking to Lorne and some other soldiers. Verna sighed.

"And here it comes the best part of my day…"

Janus laughed, and Makaria shook her head. Elizabeth hid a smile, thinking how big John's ego could become if he knew that even ascended women fell under his charm. The sad look she saw before in his eyes wasn't there anymore, but, as Verna stated, he was only hiding it behind a mask.

"He really misses you. Everyone here does. Hell, I miss you, too, and till two minutes ago you didn't even know of my existence."

"Verna!" Hissed Makaria.

"What? It's true!"

"It's alright, Makaria. If the Elders decided to let me come here, it means that I detached myself from my mortal life. No need to worry."

Elizabeth knew how ardently Makaria wanted her to completely embrace her new life, and after all the help she had given her, Elizabeth couldn't blame Makaria for trying to keep her on her side. But that didn't change a thing.

And after talking briefly to Verna, when Makaria and Janus were distracted by the other Ancients, she knew she had found an ally in the young scientist.

When the night came, Verna reunited all the ascended that lived in the city within the confines of the Gate Room. Elizabeth stayed for a while, letting Janus and Makaria see her talking with the other Ancients. When Verna was sure they weren't watching her anymore, she made a sign to Elizabeth who then quickly slipped away. She went looking for John.

It was strange, really. He had been in her room at least a couple of times, but she never saw his. She took a moment watching the framed photograph on his nightstand, his Johnny Cash poster, the copy of 'War and Peace' he still was reading. In the years she spent working with him, she could say she knew him better than most people. But maybe 'know' was not the correct term to use. With John, she understood his actions, his code of conduit, the deep loyalty he felt for friends and comrades, but she didn't know him better than the day they met in the Ancient Outpost in Antarctica. That was the reason why she was still standing near his bed. The desire to know what was really inside his head was counterbalanced by the knowledge that she was doing something wrong…

Again, she was thinking like a human. And just like a human, she acted on instinct. Before she could change her mind, she sat down by him on his bed, and put one hand on his forehead.

Then Elizabeth concentrated harder than she had ever before, and closed her eyes.


	3. Chapter 3

When Elizabeth opened her eyes, she found herself standing in the middle of the Gate Room. A perfect reproduction of the Gate Room.

_John dreamt of Atlantis? _Elizabeth suppressed a smile. Then again, John had a unique connection to Atlantis. It was only natural that the link manifested also in his subconscious.

But John wasn't there. In fact, Elisabeth was alone. She looked around for a while, until she spotted a small shadow disappear behind a corner. Quickly she moved in that direction, but no matter how fast she walked, the shadow was always faster than her. Elizabeth followed it, weaving though the corridors, until she entered a room and found herself no longer in the city. She was in a desert, near a still-smoking wrecked helicopter.

And that's where she spotted him. He was completely oblivious to her presence, as he fervently tended to a wounded soldier. The man joked about saying nice things at John's Court Martial to help him if he would get him out of there alive. This must be Afghanistan, Elizabeth thought. This is where he got the black mark on his file. She watched helplessly while John's friend died right there, in his arms, and just before the rescue team found them.

Then everything changed around her.

Elizabeth now found herself standing in the Replicators' copy of Atlantis, the day she was captured. She saw herself through John's eyes. That moment played in John's mind over and over, triggering his memories of Ford, Sumner, and all the people he lost because he couldn't act fast enough. And in that moment Elizabeth saw the real John. But he was caught in his nightmare, and he couldn't see her. Once more Elizabeth felt the weight of the burden John was carrying, and walking through the ghosts that surrounded him, she took his hand.

"Stop it, John." She whispered. The ghosts disappeared, but before she could talk, John left her hand and disappeared as well. She could go and look for him again, but Elizabeth decided to try a different approach. She recalled Atlantis, but instead of the Gate Room she recreated their balcony, and waited there for him. She knew he would come.

--

John didn't know what was happening to him. He heard a voice, a familiar voice, and all of sudden, his usual nightmares disappeared from his head. He was surrounded by peace, a sensation he rarely associated with sleep since he returned from Afghanistan. He was sated. The only thing he could hear was the sound of the ocean. It seemed to come from an undefined point in front of him. He walked towards the waves. From the darkness he passed through a blinding light, and then he found himself on the balcony. Only this time there was someone there waiting for him. A woman was looking at the sunset. She was dressed in a long white dress, and had shoulder-length brown hair. He recognized that figure instantly, but he was afraid to say her name, like she would disappear out of thin air if he did…

"Elizabeth."

It was little more than a whisper, but Elizabeth heard him anyway. She turned to face him, and smiled softly.

"It's good to see you again, John."

"You're not here. This is just a dream."

"Maybe. Maybe not. But I'm here for a reason."

"I didn't save you."

"I'm not the one that need to be saved, here. I ordered you to leave me there. You saved your team and Atlantis by bringing back that ZPM. You took our people safely to this planet. They are alive and well, thanks to you. I feel your pain, John. Your anger. Your guilt. But it wasn't your fault. It was simply how things had to go."

"It's unfair."

"Life is unfair, John. It's just fairer than death."

John smiled at the Princess Bride quote, and got closer to Elizabeth, leaning himself against the banister.

"I'm in another place, now. I can't describe it in words, John, but I'm fine. And one day, I promise, we will meet again."

"I could hold you to that promise."

"You don't trust my words anymore, John Sheppard?"

"You have no idea how I want them to be true."

Elizabeth moved closer to John, and hugged him tightly. At first he didn't react, but then he returned the gesture, holding her like his life would depend on it. If time froze in that moment, he would be happy. He was with her. Elizabeth was safe in his arms. Nothing could go wrong.

But he knew it wasn't possible. John slowly let her go, gazing into her eyes. He was still holding her hand.

"I have to go."

"I wish you could stay longer."

"Me too."

"You'll be fine?"

"I will if you will as well."

"Elizabeth, I…"

Elizabeth silenced him by posing her fingers onto his lips. She slowly shook her head.

John nodded. Some things were better left unsaid. But it didn't mean they were less true.

He sighed, and smiled to her. It wasn't one of John's usual smiles, but it was a start. Elizabeth lowered her head and slowly walked away. John held her hand for as long as he could, then he let her go. Elizabeth turned back just one more time, for one last look, then she left the balcony and his dream.

John woke up just a few moments later. He closed his eyes, trying to recall the dream and the feeling of Elizabeth in his arms. It felt so real, he could swear he really met her. Maybe he did. John smiled, and went back to sleep. For the rest of the night he wasn't plagued by nightmares. The memory of Elizabeth's smile in his dream was enough to keep them at bay.

Meanwhile, Elizabeth, on the real balcony now, watched the two moons rise in the night sky. Verna went closer to her, and asked innocently, "Did you enjoy your walk down memory lane?"

"Everything is fine, now. He will need time, but he's going to be fine, too."

"I'll keep an eye on him for you."

"I would never ask you to do that."

"I know. But since we both share some affection towards John… you more than me, but that is not the point… it's something I feel I have to do. Just promise me not to interfere in his life. Dreamwalking is one thing, but it's as far as you can go."

"I know, Verna. Thank you."

"Don't mention it. Now you'd better go talk to Makaria. She noticed your absence, and she's getting nervous."

Elizabeth thanked the young woman and did what she was told. Verna was right, Makaria was looking for her, and Elizabeth noticed the flash of relief in her eyes when Makaria finally noticed her.

"I was wondering where you have been all this time."

"I just had a walk down memory lane," Elizabeth said, using the same expression as Verna.

"You must have lots of pleasant memories here in Atlantis."

"Yes, I have. Except, of course, the one in which I almost died during the evacuation from Lantea, in this very place."

Elizabeth didn't mean to hurt or shock Makaria with those words, but after she said them she realized two things: one, she just found the perfect alibi for her absence. And two… Makaria didn't seem to know exactly what happened to her prior to her capture by the Replicators, and for some reason it upset her.

"Something wrong?"

"No… It's just… life is strange, sometimes," she whispered. Then Makaria smiled, but it was just a pale imitation of her usual smiles. Something was definitely wrong.

"Makaria, if I upset you, I apologise…"

"It's not your fault. Actually, it was mine. I was too close to the stained glasses when the city was submerged. A Wraith laser beam passed the shield, shattered the glass and killed me. I was one of the last to die and ascend in Atlantis, before the evacuation to Earth."

"I'm sorry, I didn't know that…"

"There was a war going on, updating the Archives wasn't exactly a primary objective. I'm sure you didn't know. As I didn't know the details of how you end up being half Replicator. They just told me you'd need my help to ascend, and I obeyed the Elders wish."

"They should have told you."

"Perhaps. But the more I know you the more I know why they chose me. I felt the same way as you when I ascended. The only thing that I wanted to do was go back. I couldn't bear to cause such pain to my family…"

"What changed?"

"The war. The exodus. My world ceased to exist. And I had to understand that I couldn't change what couldn't be changed. If something has to happen, it will happen, no matter how hard we try to prevent it."

"What if my destiny was to go back?"

"What if it wasn't?"

Elizabeth couldn't reply to that question. She always thought of her time between the ascended beings as a temporary phase of her life. But coming to Atlantis made her realize that maybe her place wasn't there anymore. Her friends mourned her and moved on with their lives. She had to move on with hers.

"That's why you took me here. You wanted me to say goodbye once and for all."

"You did?"

Elizabeth thought of John, of the moment they shared in his dream. She sighed.

"Yes. I did."

The morning after, John finally found the courage to ship all of Elizabeth's belongings to Earth. The only things he kept were her father's watch and a picture of her. The picture was well hidden in one of his drawers, but he placed the watch on his nightstand.

Sometimes he took it with him during his off-world missions. He wasn't a superstitious guy, but it was strangely comforting feeling its weight in the internal pocket of his tac-vest. It was like a piece of Elizabeth was always with him.

But when he and his team met the Kelosians, not even his good-luck charm could help him.

Not after everything went horribly wrong from the very beginning.

As soon as they passed through the Gate, they met a young, frightened girl, with a hideous brand on her arm. When the Kelosian soldiers approached, they killed the girl on the spot and imprisoned Sheppard, Teyla, Ronon and McKay on the charge of helping a fugitive slave.

They tried to explain they were just explorers, they didn't know anything about Kelosian traditions yet, but it only worsened their situation. Kelosian aristocracy wasn't keen on making new acquaintances, especially with people that tried to help one of the Governor's concubines escape. And when McKay failed to keep his mouth shut and told the governing council what he thought of a man that kept underaged girls as concubines, all hell broke loose.

--

Colonel Carter started suspecting something was wrong when the team failed to return to Atlantis on schedule. They failed to respond to any radio calls as well. She was going to order a team to go search for Sheppard and the others, when the Stargate activated. It was McKay's identification code, and a few second after the scientist, Teyla and Ronon, wounded and severely beaten, stepped out of the wormhole.

Carter waited until Keller and her medical team finished patching them up before getting briefed on what exactly happened on M37-421.

"We were captured by the Kelosians moments after our arrival on the planet," explained Teyla. "We helped a girl without knowing she was a slave, and that was seen as an infringement of the law."

"McKay offended the Governor of the capital city when we found out that she was one of his concubines," added Ronon.

"And why did he do that?"

"She was just a child," explained Teyla. The memory of that poor girl flashed in her mind, mixing with thoughts of her own unborn child. It was a miracle she didn't lose it.

"How did you manage to escape?"

"They let us go after Rodney had a severe allergic reaction to something in the cell. The Kelosians got scared. Colonel Sheppard said it was the first symptom of a lethal disease and they bought it."

"Why isn't Sheppard with you then?"

"We weren't in the same cell. They assumed we were all infected, and they ordered their slaves to escort us to the Gate at gunpoint."

"We'll send a strike team to…"

"They won't have a chance," said Rodney, entering the Conference Room in his infirmary clothes. His left arm was in a sling, and his face was marked by bruises. Ronon got up and helped him sit down next to Teyla. Rodney took some deep breaths to ease the pain when his sore back touched the chair, earning worried looks from both Carter and Teyla.

"Rodney, you should have stayed in the infirmary," Carter said.

"No, I shouldn't. Sam, we have to get him back. Soon. If they don't kill him they are going to sell him like a piece of meat at the market."

"We will. The team is…"

"We have to find another way."

"Why?"

Rodney, Teyla and Ronon exchanged sad, worried looks.

"Because the slaves are watching the Gate day and night with the order to kill everything that even remotely resembles to a rescue team for Sheppard."


	4. Chapter 4

Kelosians didn't have a middle class.

You were either part of the ruling class, or you were a slave.

And once you received the black mark on your right arm, you and all your descendents were automatically condemned to live in slavery forever.

In recent times, however, since there no longer were criminals or beggars to enslave, the new Kelosian manpower came from other planetary slave markets or from strangers that ended up imprisoned for futile reasons. Like John.

The underground facility where they were kept had been created centuries ago to teach future Kelosian slaves what submission, obedience, and humility meant.

By any means necessary.

When they first threw John in his cell, he immediately hid Elizabeth's watch in a small hole in the stone wall. He didn't know why; someone would call it sudden inspiration. He anticipated well, because mere moments later, four men entered his cell, and after besting him with the help of a metal rod, they left with John's shoes and vest.

He had no idea of where his friends were, but he kept his cool. He had his little revenge when he made them believe that Rodney's allergic reaction was actually the first symptom of a viral disease. His friends were released thanks to that lie.

Unfortunately, that also meant that the prison guards were now angry for losing three potential new slaves, especially the woman, and they would vent all their resentment on him. But it didn't matter to John. His team were safe. And they would come for him. He just had to wait.

The man with the task to break the black-haired stranger was called Nouza. He was one of the aristocrats, and he honestly believed that every man, woman or child inside that prison deserved to be there because of their inferior nature. The prisoners weren't aware of that, obviously. Not even the ones bought in the slave markets. But he was very good in making them realize the truth.

He was there when the Governor's guards brought in Sheppard and his team. The woman was a real beauty. The giant looked like he was unbreakable, and Nouza loved _that_ type. The man who dared to offend the Governor was trying to keep a brave face, but Nouza could tell he was scared to death., He would be the first to break, Nouza was sure of it. People like him couldn't handle pain for long.

But the one that really caught his attention was the man called Sheppard. He clearly was their leader. Underneath the cocky smirk, Nouza could tell he was paying attention to every single detail.. A soldier… and Nouza loved breaking soldiers. He immediately accepted the job right after his colleagues told him they had to free Sheppard's friends. But they didn't want to lose everything, and he was the perfect guy to go to.

Nouza studied people. It was a hobby of his, really, but it also made him excel at his job. He could tell that it wasn't the first time for his prisoner. And Sheppard's attitude led him think he was just waiting for his friends to come back for him. He had to mine his certainties.

Nouza was a patient man. He watched Sheppard get thinner and paler for the lack of food, he heard his bones break and saw all the bruises his men gave to him. Still… nothing. He has something to cling to, something different from his friends and allies… Then, one day, he saw something shining hidden in the wall, and ordered his men to get to it. The prisoner, of course, reacted against the men with all his remaining strength, but it was a futile attempt. Nouza laughed a little even. He studied the object in his hand. A silver watch that the prisoner was willing to die for. Nouza twisted it around with his fingers, feeling the smooth surface, and wondered which one of the unworthy friends had left this gift with the prisoner. No personal objects were allowed in the cells, he told John, feigning displeasure. When the watch fell silently into Nouza's front pocket, John lunged. He pounced so quickly that he caught Nouza's men off guard. But Nouza was ready and before he could even touch him, John was on the ground again, slipping into unconsciousness.

For hiding that watch Nouza left Sheppard without food for three days; he was obliged to shorten his punishment, though, because John developed an infection. Normally that meant nothing to him, but this time Nouza had received precise orders to keep the man alive. Sheppard couldn't die yet. He had to survive and live as a Governor's slave for the rest of his life, as remuneration for the offence received.

He hoped to learn more about Sheppard now that his guard was lowered, but the man kept muttering only unintelligible things.

Nouza was about to give up, when he heard Sheppard call for someone. Elizabeth. A woman that died not long ago, he discovered. The watch was hers. And Sheppard still blamed himself for her death.

It took less than a second for the Kelosian to realize he had finally found Sheppard's weak point.

The pain was unbearable.

Elizabeth felt every wound, every bruise John received like she had been tortured in his place.

But she swore she had let her previous life go. She couldn't interfere.

The Elders were still watching her; knowing that, she was really surprised no one had discovered her secret meetings with Verna in the abandoned cloister where John had been stuck some years earlier. Verna explained to her how the time-dilation field, along with her powers, could conceal them to the Elders, but Elizabeth never really thought it would work. That Ancient girl was even smarter than everyone else already thought; a scary thing, Elizabeth thought.

As soon as she discovered what happened, Verna contacted Elizabeth and once in the cloister she told her immediately what happened to John, and what the people in Atlantis were going to do to save him. Verna's words didn't reassure Elizabeth. According to the Ancient girl, Kelosia's Stargate was heavily guarded, and the _Daedalus_ and the _Apollo_ weren't available. The _Daedalus_ would be there in three weeks, but it could be too late. And it was highly unlikely a team could pass the slaves and the soldiers guarding the Gate. Kelosian weaponry were advanced; a Jumper couldn't be enough to break into their defensive lines...

"We have to do something!"

"If his destiny is to die, Elizabeth…"

Elizabeth gave her a menacing look "Not if I can help it, Verna."

Verna shook her head. "No. Elizabeth, please. I know you're suffering, but you can't interfere. You can't save him."

Elizabeth was going to reply when she fell on the floor, clutching her stomach in pain. It was like she was Oberoth's prisoner all over again.

But this time she had the power to make the pain stop. And she would use it.

When John was sent back to his cell he was feeling slightly better but he wasn't completely healed. He also had no idea of how many days he spent in the healing ward.. John just hoped he didn't reveal anything about Atlantis to the bastard that was torturing him. Atlantis… John knew there must have been a reason why his friends hadn't yet come to rescue him, but he couldn't think of one in that moment. The only thing he could think of was that if Nouza would put him through another round of torture, he wasn't sure he would make it.

And just like clockwork Nouza came. He sat down on the floor of the cell, across from John, and looked at him and his chains, taking Elizabeth's watch from one of his pockets.

Something in his smile made John shiver. And he realized all of sudden that maybe he didn't tell Nouza anything about Atlantis in his delirium, but he gave something away. Something to use against him. Something even more dangerous.

Elizabeth listened to the cruel words Nouza told John. He knew about her kidnapping, her death, and was using that information to break him. He couldn't have learned all these things from John. He must have had other sources. Elizabeth clutched her fists and reminded herself why she was there. She had to wait until Nouza left. Then she'd act. As soon as she thought he was far enough from them, she got closer to John and knelt before him.

"John. Don't listen to him."

John couldn't believe his eyes. In front of him there was Elizabeth, in her old Atlantis uniform, with the same worried look she gave him oh so may times in the last years when he came back injured. He touched his forehead, but he couldn't tell if he still had a fever. Head trauma… Yeah, had to be. Or he was going mad.

"You are not real. You can't be real. You're a hallucination. Like the one McKay had of Carter in the Jumper…"

Elizabeth was caught off guard for a second, but she decided to let him believe that.

"You need me as much as he needed her in that occasion. I'll help you to get out of here."

"If I could do that, I wouldn't need you."

"Don't talk like this."

"They didn't come for me."

"I'm sure they are doing their best to save you."

"It's what you repeated to yourself when you were in Replicators' hands? Right, you're my subconscious, you can't answer that. Sorry."

Elizabeth placed a hand on John's chest and used her healing powers. She couldn't heal him completely, but she could make him healthy enough to try and escape. John was still feverish, he wouldn't remember exactly how many broken bones Nouza gave him. And she needed him to be able to move on his own.

It took her another day to get John back on his feet. He was still weak, but with her help he would make it. The first thing he wanted to do, though, was retrieving her watch.

"It's not important. Your life is."

"It's the only thing I have left of you. The bastard won't take it from me."

"You never really lost me."

"Maybe. But I'm still getting your watch back."

Elizabeth sighed. She almost forgot how stubborn he could be.

Unexpectedly, Nouza himself helped them escape. Planning to start again with the physical tortures, he freed John from his chains. He didn't expect John to have enough strength to use one of the chains to strangle him to death. Elizabeth turned her head; she couldn't watch. Yet she knew it had been unavoidable. John immediately searched Nouza's pockets for the watch, and gave Elizabeth a big smile when he found it.

Elizabeth took her invisible form, and helped John avoid the soldiers and steal back his weapons. She could see he was already tired, but they had to go on. She would use her healing powers on him once out of the prison, but now they couldn't stop.

When the guards discovered Nouza's body, Elizabeth and John were already gone. But they weren't far enough. John lost consciousness in a alley nearby, and Elizabeth had to use her powers to conceal John from the guards that were searching for him.

She used her healing touch on him, trying not to think that it was in her powers to restore John's health completely. It would be easy. Just a little more concentration… But she still remembered what happened to the Ancient that tried to help Daniel find Merlin's Weapon. Galas Lal crossed the only boundary her people had. Elizabeth didn't want to think what they could do to her, a simple human, for crossing the same line.

When John regained consciousness, for a moment he felt like he was living a dream. The sky, the sunlight… in that underground prison the only light came from the few torches on the walls. John closed his eyes and enjoyed the moment. He was out of that hellish place, he was alive…

He looked at Elizabeth's watch.

"Thank you", he whispered.

"You are not safe yet" Elizabeth told him, startling him.

"You're still here. That's bad, that's really bad…"

"Do you feel strong enough to move, John?"

"No, but I don't have a choice, right?"

"We have to find new clothes for you" said Elizabeth, getting up and walking to the alley entrance.

"If you have a plan that doesn't involve me getting up or meeting the kind people that live on this planet… that's fine by me."

Elizabeth bit her lower lip, and out of nowhere, produced a cloak for John, that she pretended to find abandoned on the ground. John slowly got up, and leaning on the wall, he walked towards Elizabeth and got the cloak. It was dirty and battered, like the ones the slaves wore. He slowly put it on, and waited for Elizabeth to tell him he could get out of his hiding place.

Elizabeth remained visible only to him, talking only when it was needed, careful not to put any attention onto John. He concentrated on his steps and his breath. With every step he was getting closer to the Stargate and his freedom, he kept repeating to himself. He had to resist and keep going.

Elizabeth hid John again when they had to pass through the city doors. Every guard was searching for the escaped prisoner. It wasn't something that happened often, in fact it never happened. The honour and the pride of the guards was on the line, or so the superiors kept repeating to the others soldiers. Elizabeth concentrated on John, and let go of the anger she was feeling. Honour. What kind of honour could these people have? Their entire lives were based on the work of someone else. She just wished Atlantis could do something for all the poor people on whom the guards were now venting their rage.

But it would be more likely that Colonel Carter decided to break any relationship with Kelosia after what they had done to Sheppard. They had to fight the battle they could win; and this one wasn't it. _You can't change what can't be changed…_Elizabeth could almost hear Makaria's voice in her head.

Well, this battle she could win. The Gate was near, and with her help John would make it. Then he would go through the Gate and she would go back to her new life, even if it killed her.

When they arrived at the Gate, they hid, waiting for the perfect opportunity to escape. Elizabeth kept on using her healing powers on him at regular intervals, but what she did to him was like a band-aid on a open wound. For John's body it wasn't enough, and Elizabeth could do no more for him…

She didn't even notice when it happened. John, exhausted, was going to trip over a root, and instinctively she reached for his arm, her fingers closing around his elbow, supporting him. She was shocked at how close she was standing to him. And more importantly, she suddenly realized… She was human again.

It was strange if anything. She always thought the day she came back to her human form would make her feel happy, but in that moment, she was feeling scared. Her powers were gone. She was completely useless.

When night fell, they were still in the middle of the forest. John needed to rest, and Elizabeth sat next to him all night, with John's gun in her hands. She didn't want to use it, she wasn't sure she _could_ use it, but she might not to have a choice. It was her stupid mistake, and as a result John could lose his life. She wouldn't let that happen. Not after everything she'd already done. Fortunately for Elizabeth, the search party never found their position. When she felt the soldiers had swept by Elizabeth cried, immensely relieved, and tossed the gun away from her. Once sure no one would come, she closed her eyes for a second; when she woke up, it was sunrise.

Elizabeth gently shook John awake, and helped him stand. . In a certain way she was happy his fever was high again; he wouldn't ask her questions she couldn't answer.

One step at the time, Elizabeth told herself. First John, then she would think of what to tell to the others once they were safely back on Atlantis.

There were slaves and soldiers still patrolling the Gate. No chance for them to pass unnoticed. Elizabeth's mind was racing when suddenly big, dark clouds formed above their heads. It wasn't natural, and all the people pointed to the sky in horror. They were scared to death, some even knelt on the ground to pray to their Gods. Others ran away. And then the rain began to fall, thick as a shield.

"I have to go through the Gate. I have to. I can't take it anymore…"

Elizabeth watched John, and the unwatched Gate. The rain and the wind worsened by the minute; they would make it, the Gate was near. And even if the soldiers did spot them, in this rain, chances were high they'd never be able to hit them with their weapons. . John was right: it was their opportunity.

Elizabeth could hear the panic. People wailing, their enemies screaming at the slaves to stop them, but no one was brave enough to step out of their shelters. John couldn't dial Atlantis or send his identification code; she had to do it for him.

"You've made it, John. You're going home."

Elizabeth smiled, but John looked at her bewildered..

"You are real."

Her smile vanished.

"There is no time for this, John. You have to go."

"You are alive…"

Elizabeth helped him with the steps to reach the Gate, without answering him.

"Go. This storm won't last forever!"

"What…?"

"It's the Ancients! They're helping me! But this means I can't come with you. Forgive me…"

Before he could say anything else, Elizabeth gently pushed inside the wormhole. John stretched an arm to reach her, and he clutched her necklace, the one she always wore during that first year on Atlantis. The wormhole sucked him inside, and as he dematerialized he felt the necklace break. He could still feel it, wrapped tightly in his hand when he found himself on the floor of the Gate Room.

Keller and the other doctors were hovering over him. And Rodney and Teyla, Ronon and Carter… he had to tell them what he saw, that Elizabeth wasn't dead.

"Elizabeth…" he whispered, and then he lost consciousness.

The wormhole closed in front of Elizabeth. It took a lot of self control to stand there, waiting for the connection to break without stepping in herself. But that storm was a sign; they knew what she was doing. And if they helped her maybe that meant they where willing to give her another chance. That was why she didn't go home.

And when she felt her body dissolve in the air, she knew she was forgiven.

--

When she faced the Elders, Elizabeth realized that 'forgiven' wasn't the right term to use. She disappointed them. And most of all, she disappointed Makaria, who had to stand next to her during the Elders speech.

The only one apparently on her side was Verna. Actually, she had been surprised by how much weight her voice carried between other Ancients. She didn't justify Elizabeth's actions but explained to the council how - until Elizabeth had taken human form - she tried to be just a guide, never interfering with John's choices. It was probably thanks to her that Elizabeth hadn't been banned.

But Verna warned her that she couldn't help her anymore.

"I know why you did it, Elizabeth… But you're playing with fire. The next mistake will be your last. Be careful."

Verna forced a smile on her lips and disappeared in front of Elizabeth. She reappeared in Atlantis, in the infirmary, but for once she wasn't happy to be there at all. She despised the task the Elders had given her. She didn't want to do it to John. But she had to think of her people, of the Ancients that lived there and confided in her. She had to act now, before she could change her mind.

"The Colonel had been lucky," said Keller. "He has no serious internal damage, no fractures…"

"You joking, right? Those Kelosians are sadistic bastards. Of course he must have broken bones!"

"The X-rays say otherwise, Rodney. But the weird thing is… Colonel Sheppard got some new fractures between this exam and his last one. But every one looks healed. I have no explanation for that."

"Like they cured him but not restored his health?

"A fracture needs months to heal. Colonel Sheppard was gone for less than a month. Like I said, I have no answer."

"But is John going to be alright?" asked Teyla.

"He has an infection and a high fever, but yes, he's going to make it."

"What's he keeping in his right hand?" asked Carter.

"Good question. It's a silver necklace, or something like that. But when we tried to take it out of his fist, he got extremely agitated so we just let him keep it. He's clutching it so tightly."

And he wouldn't let it go for any reason, John would add if he weren't sedated. The pain was gone, but he didn't want to sleep… Elizabeth… he had to go back and find Elizabeth… then everything went still. Everything, but a blonde girl dressed in white, standing near his bed with a sweet smile.

"Hello, John."

For an instant John t thought he was already dreaming.

"Not the best moment for a visit, old girl…"

Verna laughed. "I'm sorry, John. I'm not who you think I am."

"But I see you… every time I sit on the Chair… you are… Atlantis…"

Verna sat on his bed.

"Long time ago, I was her favorite child. Like you are now. She takes my semblance when she needs to speak to you in your mind. She believes you might be _slightly_ more receptive to her advice, if it comes from 'me'. Strange, huh?" she said, with a hint of sarcasm.

"Who are you?"

"My name is Verna. Nice to meet you, Colonel Sheppard."

"How do you know my name?"

"I know everything about you. About Elizabeth. About what happened on Kelosia."

"Elizabeth… I have to go back …"

"Elizabeth doesn't need to be saved. She's fine. She ascended once again."

"Ascended? How…?"

"I helped her a little. Interfering is allowed in this case. But I'm afraid it's the only good thing I can do for both of you."

"What… What do you mean?"

"I'm sorry, John. I'm so sorry, but Elizabeth is one of us, now. Her path and yours go in separate directions; it has to stay this way," said Verna, touching John's forehead.

John stopped fighting to stay awake. Suddenly, he wasn't important anymore.

Hating herself for what she was doing, Verna erased from John's mind every trace of Elizabeth's involvement in his escape. She took the necklace from his hand, and visited all the doctors and the friends of John's that had assisted in his return to modify their memories as well.

She reappeared in front of the Elders, and reassured the other Ancients that everything went as planned.

"As far as John Sheppard knows, he escaped with the help of a slave."

"What about his friends?"

"I altered their memories and his medical file."

"Excellent. You can go back to Atlantis now."

Verna bowed in front of the Elders, and went searching for Elizabeth. Her friend was at the cloister, looking at the void in front of her. Verna didn't need to ask why she was so upset. She sighed and sat next to her.

"Why?"

"It was the only thing to do. And you know it. You broke the rules… and there is always a price to pay."

"Will he be alright?"

"I think you already know the answer. But for the time being, I won't tell you more. You crossed the line, Elizabeth. You crossed the Elders.. Few Ancients ever dared to do that, and even fewer are still here to tell the tale."

Elizabeth nodded. Then she turned to Verna and said, "Why is it that your opinion is so important in the Council?"

"I'm a Chancellor. The current Chancellor of the Ancients of Atlantis. They chose me… and I didn't find any reason to refuse. That reminds me… You are forbidden to set foot there again. I hope you understand why. It won't be forever, Elizabeth. Give the Elders and Makaria a little time. They'll get over it."

"In a century or two."

Verna suppressed a smile, and got up.

"I have to go. Chancellor things to do. Stay as long as you wish, but…"

"…but I'm forbidden to set foot here as well."

"Sorry."

"Go. Don't let me keep you."

Verna disappeared. Elizabeth felt grateful for her perfect timing. A few second later a tear rolled down her cheek. The first of many.

--

Atlantis wasn't happy with her. At all. Verna could feel it. The city took a strong liking of John and Elizabeth, and she made sure to show Verna just how displeased she was with her. Verna smirked.

If she fooled the city, she fooled the Elders. Good.

She looked at Elizabeth's necklace once again, and then she put it on John's nightstand. He wouldn't remember how he got it, obviously, but Verna knew that just by seeing that jewel, he would still feel a connection to Elizabeth, even with his memory erased.

"I really hate when someone interferes in someone else's destiny. Don't you feel the same, old girl?"

She would leave John this clue; If Elizabeth and him were meant to be, not even the Elders would keep them apart.

"What do you think you're doing?"

Verna rolled her eyes and turned to face Makaria.

"I'm doing what I think is right, and I know you'll do the same."

"Elizabeth won't throw ascension away again. She knows better than that."

"Complete the phrase, my dear. She won't throw ascension away like _I_ did. You wanted to come back. I did it. I took human form again, I joined the fight, I did what I could do to change our fate."

"Fate can't be changed."

"Fate is not written in stone! I tried. This is all that matters. And if you think you'll keep Elizabeth from trying…"

"You can't help her anymore. You won't put your position at risk."

"If she wants to go back, she won't need any help, from me or anyone else. Deal with it. And before I declare you _persona non grata_ here, I suggest you go as well. Immediately."

"The Elders' worst mistake was making a Chancellor out of an impulsive kid."

"But they did, didn't they? And I am Chancellor. So don't let me keep you, Makaria."

Glaring, Makaria disappeared. Verna sighed.

She glanced at the necklace one final time before she disappeared as well.

Days later, when John was back to his room again, he took it in his hand and wondered why it was there. A gift from one of his admirers, maybe?

He was going to put it away, but he changed his mind and put it back on the nightstand. John placed Elizabeth's watch next to the necklace. He didn't know why, but he felt that those two objects belonged together.

He got up from the bed, and opened the drawer where he had hidden Elizabeth's picture. He stared at the image for a long time. He still missed her deeply, but it felt like a fresh wound again, like he was back to square one; like he had just lost her. He felt uneasy, as if there was something he forgot, something important about Elizabeth, something that could change everything…

_Stop dreaming, John. Elizabeth is dead; nothing can change this._

He put the picture away, a bitter smile just fading. John shook his head and closed the drawer.


	5. Chapter 5

It happened one night. Or at least Elizabeth though it was night. Nothing mattered to her anymore, especially how fast – or slow – time was running. She was… drifting, for lack of better words. After what had happened Elizabeth closed in herself, and refused to be involved in whatever the Ancients did all the time. She became a sort of hermit, and they let her go down that path, sure that one day Elizabeth would come back to them and resume her place between the Atlantis chancellors and in their community.

And then, one night, it happened. A pain, so strong, so acute, Elizabeth thought she would die once again. But it wasn't a physical pain. Her soul was on the point of being torn apart. And she could tell the cause wasn't John, because she excluded him from her thoughts a long time before.

There was just one possibility, Elizabeth realized. Someone she never thought of – dared – erase from her heart and mind.

Atlantis.

Atlantis was calling her, begging her to come home. Knowing that she was probably signing her perpetual exile from the ascended Ancients, Elizabeth closed her eyes, and finally returned home.

* * *

Every Ancient in Atlantis was shocked to see her there, but no one more than Verna.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?"

"Atlantis called me back. I'm sure of what I'm saying. So now you can tell me exactly what's happening, or I'll discover myself asking Sheppard and the others. Your choice."

Verna sighed. Atlantis almost forgave her for what she had to do to John and Elizabeth, but that didn't mean she had accepted to be governed by the woman called Colonel Samantha Carter. She ached for her one and only leader… and the fact that Elizabeth was there in front of her eyes and that kept saying Atlantis made her come back was just proof of how much alive and sentient the city was.

"McKay depleted the ZPM. The shields are down. Our drone supply is running dangerously low. The _Daedalus_ and the _Apollo_ are in the void between the Pegasus Galaxy and the Milky Way. And in six hours we will be under the fire of the biggest Wraith fleet I've ever seen. It's the end, Elizabeth. This time Atlantis will be destroyed, and there is nothing we can do."

Elizabeth let Verna's word sink in. Atlantis… lost? Destroyed? It couldn't be.

"No."

"Elizabeth…"

"I said no! The city won't be destroyed, and the people living here won't die. I won't allow it!"

"Elizabeth, please! Do you think I wouldn't do something if I could? We can't… our hands are tied."

Elizabeth sighed and looked at the dark sky. "No, Verna. Your hands are tied… mine aren't."

"What… What do you mean, Elizabeth?"

But Elizabeth was already disappearing in front of Verna's eyes, ignoring the young Ancient screaming her name. Verna was a Chancellor, she couldn't ask her to risk her position. But Elizabeth's position was entirely different. She had absolutely nothing to lose. The Elders had already warned her she would be banned forever if she broke any other rule, and in that moment there was nothing she wanted more than going back to Atlantis as a human being. The experience of being an Ascended being would always be her greatest treasure… but now it was time to fight. If the Ancients would let their city be destroyed, she certainly wouldn't stand there and watch. Atlantis wouldn't be destroyed, its inhabitants wouldn't die. It was the only thing that mattered to Elizabeth. She would deal with the consequences of her actions later.

* * *

The Queen widened her eyes in surprise. The darkness that surrounded her throne dissipated in a second, because of a white, shiny column of light. Her eyes narrowed in menace, though, when she realized she could see a human figure in the light, and even more when she saw Elizabeth in front of her.

"I come here with no intention of being a menace to you or your fleet," began Elizabeth. "My request is simple: leave this place, and never return."

The Queen laughed. "And why should I do that? Because you want me to do it, Ancient? Your time as lords and masters of the galaxy ended ten thousand years ago. This galaxy is ours!"

Elizabeth smiled quietly. "I'm not Ancient. And you don't leave me other choice. Atlantis _will_ be saved."

The Queen looked at the determined expression on the woman in front of her, but at the beginning she didn't understand what the real meaning of her words was. She began to realize it, though, when an alarmed message from the Control room informed her that the fleet was disappearing in front of their eyes. Destroyed, reduced to dust…

The Queen rose from her throne.

"I command you to stop!"

Elizabeth ignored her. She was her worst enemy; she didn't have anything left to lose.

Except Atlantis.

Except John.

The Queen walked fast to where Elizabeth was standing, and touched her chest with her hand, ready to feed on her… She watched in disbelief mixed with fear her hand disappearing in front of her eyes. Her own body was dissolving itself, along with her ship, and the other Wraiths onboard…

That woman was right: she wasn't an Ancient. Who was she, then?

The Queen's last question was bound to remain unanswered forever.

* * *

When Elizabeth appeared on the balcony, she found both Verna and Makaria waiting for her, and for the first time Elizabeth could recall, they had the same worried expression on their faces.

"What have you done?" murmured Makaria.

"What it had to be done to save this city and its inhabitants."

"We can't interfere with non-ascended people's lives!"

"I just did. Makaria… I know how much time you spent teaching me how to live as an ascended being… but it's time for me to go back. This is where I belong."

"You broke the rules, it might not be so simple," said Verna, giving a cheering John a quick glance.

Elizabeth looked at John. Some scientist was hugging him, and John was awkwardly patting his back, looking highly uncomfortable. Elizabeth smiled and moved to go to the sliding glass door that connected the balcony to the Control Room. She touched the glass, ready to feel it cold and smooth between her fingers… but the feeling never came. Elizabeth watched in horror her hand disappearing, like it happened to the Wraith Queen a few moments earlier. She turned just in time to see the same horrified expression on her friends' faces, and then she felt nothing anymore.

Elizabeth expected to be brought in front of the Elders again; she didn't expect to appear in a desert field in the middle of nowhere. Elizabeth could feel her head spinning; she was going to faint any second. Elizabeth fell on her knees and hands. She could already feel her memory vanish. So that was her punishment… become human and lose all her memories…

Elizabeth pictured in her head Atlantis and John. Both alive, safe and unharmed, at least for the time being. This the Ancients couldn't undo. This they couldn't take away from her…

Elizabeth's arms shook under her weight; Elizabeth fell face down on the ground.

She was Elizabeth Weir, she kept repeating to herself like a mantra. Her name was Elizabeth. Elizabeth…

Then she closed her eyes, and nothing mattered anymore.

* * *

**And this is how Volume One ends...**

**I know it's short, but I'll make up for this with the next one, next year ; )**

**Merry Christmas, people!**


	6. Chapter 6

Author's note: this one is my first attempt at writing abuse/torture, and it's pretty graphic. You've been warned.

* * *

**A few months later**

Larrin of the Travelers was widely known across the galaxy as a woman of great looks and even greater mood swings. You wouldn't mess with her unless you had a clear and undeniable death wish. But if you looked hard enough, you still saw the woman, not the strong leader of a nomadic space tribe. And then of course, Larrin would usually draw out her gun and oblige her counterpart to apologize and beg for mercy at the same time, but when it came to important traders or high-ranking functionaries she simply had to bite her tongue and keep the murdering thoughts to herself. She couldn't afford to let her character affect her people's ability to get a new food supply or any raw materials to convert into fuel.

That was also the reason why she kept at a big distance from Kelosia. She knew enough about the inhabitants to be weary of ever landing there, lest the remote possibility of ending up captured and sold to the slave market would become not so remote. But the Kelosians were slowly advancing and their position in the newborn confederation of planets was rising. Larrin tended not to give a damn about the confederation, but when the planets that usually traded with her people entered it, she discovered that the Kelosians held a mutual distrust towards them and were consequentially trying to cut them out from the trades in the galaxy.

Larrin hated feeling cornered, but she had to recognize it, they played their cards right. If she didn't want to lose her trade partners, and they in return didn't want to lose their _principal_ trade partner, she had to make trade arrangements with them as well. She could imagine they were interested in hyperspace technology, but she wasn't sure that could prevent those people from trying to enslave whoever of her people was assigned to do the diplomatic work. She wasn't good at diplomacy; she preferred holding someone at gunpoint. (More direct and honest than trying to fool someone with words, in her opinion.) And the lack of political alliances (except Atlantis, but she had led the negotiations her way, beating and holding John Sheppard at gunpoint many, many times) never let her realize how much her fleet was lacking in the diplomatic department. The other captains were willing to take the risk. The lesser evil, they called it. And she was going to agree with them… but at the last second, courtesy of another of her legendary mood swings, she decided she would lead the negotiations herself, feeling that no one else should take that risk. Once on Kelosia, every ship sent the best men to compose Larrin's guard, and Larrin herself hid amongst her baggage and upon herself enough weapons to occupy the capital. Better safe than sorry, especially when Kelosians were involved.

Several times she reminded herself not to lose her temper during the negotiations. When Ambassador Davinian gave her those lustful looks, when he causally mentioned the young slaves that composed his harem. when one of those slaves ended up beaten and crying on the floor because she served their meal two minutes later than scheduled… But when she saw – by accident or not, she couldn't tell – the new slaves dragged to the prison, their screams and invocations mixed with tears, Larrin decided she had enough. She asked for the freedom of three of them as a sign of good will. It was a gamble, but Davinian allowed it, much to Larrin's surprise. But when she was escorted back to her quarters and found her guards tied up on the floor and in the hands of the Davinian's guards, she realized something had just gone horribly wrong.

"What the hell is happening here?"

"They resisted. It wasn't meant to happen… but I hope you won't be as difficult as them," said Davinian, entering the room.

Larrin glanced at Freya, the only woman in her guard, and the woman started explaining what happened.

"They said we gave our consent to be enslaved for five years, but…"

Freya was suddenly kicked in the stomach by one of the guards. "Silence, slave!"

No, this isn't happening, thought Larrin. She did nothing to enrage them, she kept her temper under control… what the hell went wrong then?

One of the guards tried to grab her arm, but Larrin spun and threw him on the ground. The soldiers drew out their guns, but Larrin was quicker and point her weapon straight at the Ambassador's head.

"Don't aggravate your position, Larrin. Or the slavery years included in the Rule of Exchange will double."

"Rule of Exchange? What's that?"

"You asked for the freedom of three slaves. The rule states clearly that in exchange for the freedom of the slave, the one that asked for said freedom will serve in his or her place for five years. Along with her family. And since you don't have one, I'll have to settle for them."

"Never heard of it before. You're making this up, you bastard!"

"Unfortunately for you, no I'm not. Drop the gun, Larrin."

Larrin looked at Freya and the others and slowly lowered the gun, just to raise it a second later and stun Davinian. Before the guards could react, Larrin stunned them as well, and then she freed her guards. She had no intention of being enslaved, but she would never leave one of her soldiers behind. They all reached for their guns, ready to fight till the end… but the rest of Davinian's guards had heard the noise caused by the fight and called in for backup. Larrin and her guard were caught after just a few minutes, and immediately dragged to the underground facility where all the future slaves were held. They were immediately separated, and Larrin was taken to a cell where a man was already waiting for her. Larrin, still with her hands tied behind her back observed the man – tall, young, with a false harmless look on his face – circling her slowly.

"Larrin. I'm Rilian… I'm the one with the task of… teaching you what to expect from your new life, so to speak."

Larrin obstinately stared at the void, and Rilian kept on talking.

"I heard about you. Traders talk, mostly. I just never imagined someone so ruthless could have such a pretty face," he said, raising her chin with a finger. Larrin shot him a death glare and spit right in his face. Rilian gave her an almost bemused expression, and then he smashed the back of his hand into her cheek so hard that she fell to the ground .

"It's common, you know. People who were someone before coming here tend to be… difficult. But don't worry… I've been instructed by one of the besthere. He's dead now… John Sheppard strangled him to death with his chainsbefore escaping this place. This name rings a bell, doesn't it?"

"Go to hell."

"I'll take it as a yes. See, Nouza's death really hurt us all. And you are an ally of Atlantis, if our intel is correct," he said, passing his hand through her hair and then pulling the streaks with strength. "And after what happened, we don't like their allies. _At all_."

Still holding her by the hair, he forced her to stand up. It wasn't pleasant, but certainly she'd been through worse. Larrin hissed through clenched teeth. Rilian smiled again, and punched her in the stomach with all his strength. Larrin ended up on the floor again, and before she could rise he started kicking her. Larrin didn't know how long Rilian kept on beating her; enough to feel pain in every bone, not enough to have broken bones. But, as he promised her when the prison guards threw her in her cell, that was just foreplay. The real fun, as he called it, would start the day after.

"You made a big mistake, you didn't kidnap a nameless whore! I'll watch my men rip you apart, it's a promise!"

Rilian looked away from Larrin for a second, laughing softly. "I love your spirit. If only things had gone differently… but who knows, maybe Ambassador Davinian will feel like sharing, after you'll join his little harem. Tarim, make sure she understands the rules. If she misbehaves, I'm afraid you'll be the one paying… and you know how I feel about damaging women's faces more than necessary," Rilian said with fake concern. Just then Larrin glanced at the darkest corner in the cell and saw a crouched figure in the shadows, trying to make herself invisible. Larrin got back on her feet, carefully examining her ribs to see if the pain she was feeling was due to a cracked bone or not.

"I mean what I said," she explained to the silent figure in the dark. "People are coming for me."

"If you say so."

The woman, Tarim, slowly got up and came into the light. Her dress was dirty and torn, and she wore on her arms and face the signs of torture. Dried blood stained her cheeks. The source of which was probably the gash at her hairline and the little cut beneath her eye. She was limping, and from the way she was hugging her waist, Larrin imagined she had to have some cracked ribs too.

"How long have you been here?"

"A few months… I'm not sure anymore. Time flows slower here," Tarim said, coming closer.

"Tarim, right? I'm Larrin."

Tarim gave her a little smile. "I wish I could say I'm happy to meet you."

"Yeah, well… feeling's mutual," said Larrin as she slowly slid against the wall to a sitting position.

"So what's your story?"

"How is that any of your business?"

"I was married to a man that got indebted to a Kelosian. When he had to choose between living in slavery or selling me to him as payment for the debt… well, you already know what he chose."

"What was his name?"

"I don't know. I… I don't remember. They beat me hard before they took me here. I was being difficult, according to my… master. I don't recall anything that happened before the beating."

"Difficult," repeated Larrin. "Interesting choice of word, to describe a free woman enslaved against her will, trying to get her freedom back."

"You don't look like… I'm sorry, but the people that they bring here are so different than you. Are you from that place? Atlantis?"

"No. But I know people there."

"The guards here still talk about a certain man from Atlantis. Sheppard. I hope he never returns, they'll do far worse things to him than kill him."

Larrin gave Tarim another good look. She couldn't be more than a few years older than her; if dressed and fed properly, someone could even define her as beautiful. Larrin never trusted anyone, but that woman…

Her reflections were suddenly interrupted as a couple guards peered through the bars. Tarim closed her eyes and clenched her fists so tightly that her knuckles turned white. Larrin wasn't going to ask what was happening, but the laughs and taunting directed at Tarim didn't leave room for too much speculation.

"Tonight you're all mine, darling…" said one of them, sending a kiss in her direction. "I can't wait."

"Just leave her in one piece, Filir. Remember I'm the next in line, _this time_."

"It depends on her. Right, Tarim? Are you going to be good or should we chain you up and whip you again? Huh? Would you like that? Answer me, bitch!"

"Alright, leave her alone," said Larrin. The two guards snickered.

"This one seems eager to be whipped, Adin. Why don't you take her out and show her what a real man looks like?"

"Yes, please, cause I don't see one here."

Tarim gave Larrin a terrified look. "What are you doing?! Don't provoke them!"

"Too late for that, Tarim. We were going to let the new girl be, but since she needs a lesson so badly…" said Adin, entering the cell. Tarim crawled in her corner, but Larrin rose from the floor and when Adin tried to grab her she was much quicker. A kick in the groin, a jab to the face, and with a smug smile, a satisfying kick to the gut. Adin was down, gasping and moaning. "Is that a good enough time for you, huh?"

Filir, shocked and unaccustomed to such prisoner behavior, ran to call for backup. Five other soldiers arrived, entering together. Larrin, even wounded, was more than a match to any man in a fight. But against five, she didn't stand a chance. Before she was dragged away kicking, biting and screaming she saw Filir throw Tarim down on the stone screamed as he ripped her dress off and climbed on top of her, pinning her with his weight. tThat was the last thing Larrin sawbefore being dragged to another cell.

Two of them held her arms while a third delivered blows to her face and gut; when he noticed her pain being more pronounced on her left side, he concentrated his fire on that area until he heard something break and Larrin couldn't help but scream in anguish.

The door opened again, and Adin joined the rest of the guards with a whip in his hands.

"Not so smug anymore, huh? You like that?" he said, watching the other guards taking turns to beat her.

"Go to hell!"

"You hear that? Oh, this is going to be fun…But first thing's first." He placed the whip on a table with othertools and picked up a metal glove that he waved in front of Larrin's face.

"Usually we don't use this on the first day, but you need to be tamed, and even Rilian will agree to this," he said hitting her in the abdomen. Larrin felt all the air escape from her lungs. She couldn't even scream the pain was so great. The next blow connected with her chin. It was delivered with such strength that she lost her balance. The men holding her let her fall, and began kicking her. Still dazed by the blow to her face, Larrin couldn't fight as the men ripped her clothes apart. Someone blindfolded her, another one tied her hands above her head. Another one mentioned how hard she bit him in the arm when they took her there, so they stuffed a dirty cloth in her mouth,making her gag. She couldn't scream, defend herself. She was completely at their mercy, but mercy wasn't a feeling known to Kelosians soldiers. She prayed for another blow to her head, something that could make her lose consciousness, but it didn't happen. She was painfully aware of every hand and mouth on her body, of how many times those men raped her. Eventually though, she slipped into unconsciousness hoping to never open her eyes again. Somewhere in the back of her mind a fire burned. She swore on the Ancestors that if she ever got out of there, she would make them all pay. The first thing Larrin saw when she opened her eyes was Tarim lying on the floor in a fetal position, crying silently and covering her body with what was left of her clothes. Larrin had been luckier, her torturers gave her something to wear, but certainly they didn't give much thoughts to her broken ribs. Of course she would enjoy breaking theirs too, when the right moment came. She grimaced as she rose , and grabbed a blanket from the makeshift bed. Without saying a word she limped to Tarim and covered the woman with it. Tarim pulled the blanket closer and closed her eyes. Once again Larrin's thoughts went to her people. By now everyone had to know what had happened to her. She just didn't understand why they weren't there yet.

The next morning Rilian came to see them. To apologize, he said.

"They're soldiers. They lost their heads. But when I met them today and heard their pathetic excuses I made sure that change was permanent. No one goes against my orders here, or damage Ambassador Davinian's concubines."

He was talking about her, Larrin concluded. He didn't seem worried about Tarim, who hadn't moved an inch since the day earlier. On the way out, though, he kneeled next to Tarim, and raised her chin between his fingers.

"You know, Tarim… Adin and Filir said Larrin provoked both of them. I though I made myself clear."

Larrin saw the blade of a knife shine in the dark, and before she knew it Rilian had already made a long, straight cut along Tarim's face.

"No!"

"I warned you," he said, ignoring Tarim's tears. "And just to make things clear, you just excluded yourself from the ones I was going to propose to the Governor's friends. With that scar, no nobleman will have you as a concubine, you stupid woman."

Rilian got back on his feet and looked at Larrin, indicating the sobbing woman on the floor and her bloodied cheek.

"Is this enough warning for you, Larrin?"

Clenching her teeth, Larrin slowly nodded.

"Good. I'll see you later," he said, and he went out of the cell. Larrin waited until she was sure he was far enough, and then she limped over to Tarim's side. Sighing, she knelt on the floor and gave a good look at the fresh wound. Rilian was right, it would certainly leave a scar if not treated properly.

"I hope you're right," Tarim whispered.

"About what?"

For the first time, Tarim looked right at Larrin, her green eyes sparkling with hate and determination.

"About watching while these beasts get what they deserve. I hope you're right."

"I usually am."

"You're not someone easy to break."

_And neither are you_, thought Larrin. If the scars she had on her body were any indication, that woman had fought with her teeth and nails against her captors, even if she never really stood a chance against them. And Larrin was always ready to trust a kindred spirit.

Three days later, four Traveler ships dropped out of hyperspace near Kelosia's atmosphere, and one ship fired the Ancient drones at their disposal against the Governor's palace, almost leveling it to the ground.

Everyone, even the prisoners in that underground prison, felt the echo of that sudden burst and saw the guards exchanging looks of confusion… fear, even.

Larrin observed their faces, and her lips curved in a slow grin.

_It has begun._


	7. Chapter 7

The attack on Kelosia's capital lasted a little less than two hours.

Larrin maybe felt a little disappointed for missing the destruction of Davinian's palace, but she definitely enjoyed watching the guards' terror and fear from her privileged point of view. As expected, not one of them even thought of freeing the prisoners, but if her people knew she was being held there – and they most certainly did – the underground prison was then the safest place on the planet.

When the bombing ceased, Larrin got to her feet and urged Tarim to do the same.

"We have to be ready, they are coming any minute now."

"Your friends?"

Larrin's eyes were fixed on the door. "I hope so," she told the other woman. Once the Kelosians had identified the enemy, it would take them very little time to send someone to her cell and kill her. Maybe her people would come first, but she had to be ready to fight. Larrin scanned the cell for something, anything that could be used as a weapon, but there was nothing there. Tarim, who had inhabited that cell longer, went straight to the wall and with some effort managed to pull out a loose rock. Larrin smiled as Tarim gave her the rock, saying she'd be more comfortable with it and besides, someone had to play bait.

"We're both getting out of here, Tarim. And you're going home. I promise."

"Home? To a husband who sold me like cattle? No, wait… he probably cares more for his cattle. I was just his wife. But… maybe you can leave me in another village, on another planet? I think a new start is just what I need."

"As you wish," replied Larrin, hiding in a niche of the wall. "But consider this: you're smart, and I need people with guts in my crew."

"I'm not a Traveler."

"_I_ get to say who is a Traveler and who's not, Tarim."

"Fine, but… Of what use could I be to you?"

"Let's think about it when we're back on my ship, ok?"

Larrin then promptly shushed Tarim as she had heard footsteps coming in their direction.

Rilian, what a surprise, thought Larrin. His usual aura of calm was gone as he stormed inside the cell and tried to drag Tarim outside. Larrin tried to use the stone to hit him, but Rilian was faster. His fist connected with her jaw and sent her to the ground. Towering above her, Rilian pointed Larrin's own gun at her head.

"Goodbye. You're definitely more trouble than you're worth."

A fraction of second before he pulled the trigger, Rilian's knees buckled and he toppled forward, expression of utter surprise permanently imprinted on his blood-stained face.. Behind him, Tarim stood up with the stone clutched firmly in her hand and a look of pure disgust in her eyes. Before Larrin could react, four Travelers appeared in the corridor, shouting Larrin's name.

"I'm here!" Larrin shouted back as she picked up her gun and got to her feet. Tarim was still looking at the man she had just killed, unable to move. It took Larrin a few minutes to get her attention and convince her to move, but eventually they started running toward the exit.

"Larrin, wait! What about the other slaves?"

"They'll have to fight for themselves, Tarim. We have to go now!"

"We have to help them!"

"No, we don't. At the moment the only person I want to save beside you, my friend, is myself."

"We leave them here, we're no better than _them_."

Larrin stopped a second, ignoring her guards who kept shouting they had to keep moving, that there was a ship waiting for them and no time to lose, and looked at Tarim. She cursed loudly, and took a bunch of keys from a dead soldier, tossing it to a man inside the cell closest to her.

"You. Free everyone, but do it fast. The chaos won't last long. Got it?"

After the initial shock wore off, the man nodded quickly and immediately freed himself. He took the dead soldier's weapon and ran to the cell next to his, trying keys until he found the right one. The door swung open and three other men and a couple women walked out, free.

"Satisfied?" Asked Larrin. "Can we go on with our getaway now?"

Tarim was tempted to stay and help the other slaves, Larrin could tell. But before she had that chance she grabbed her arm and dragged her out of there.

"We gave them a chance, now it's their turn to save themselves. Move!"

During the getaway, Larrin inquired about the fate of her guard. Freya, she was told, was almost killed after she bit an ear off one of the guards, but she survived and was already on her way to her ship. The other guards had been severely beaten, and one of them was killed after a failed escape attempt.

"But where are they now?"

"They're getting a little payback on behalf of Freya too," one of the soldiers said. Larrin just nodded. They reunited with her group close to the exit, and together they got out, keeping Larrin and Tarim inside their human barrier.

As they stepped outside they were greeted with complete chaos. The beautiful palaces of the capital city were now destroyed, reduced to a pile of debris in the street where people were running and screaming in fear. But if Larrin doubted that the little revolution started in the prison could have any effect, seeing the slaves revolting in the streets against their masters was a surprise. A pleasant surprise, especially after she caught a glimpse of a dozen slaves beating the former Governor to a bloody pulp. Larrin mentally thanked them: one thing less on her to-do list.

The second her ship was in sight, Larrin finally felt home again. She turned to face Tarim.

"My offer still stands. Come with me, be a Traveler. Or you can cross the Stargate and go wherever you want. Your choice."

Tarim looked at Larrin for a few seconds, uncertain of what to do next. She eyed the ship, then the big metal ring she could see from where she was standing. She turned to Larrin and smiled.

"I've never seen a spaceship. I'm quite curious."

Larrin nodded in approval.

"Good choice. Then let's go home."

* * *

Even covered in blood and bruises, Larrin advanced with a proud gait through the corridors of her ship. Her head held high, no one daring to get in her way as she marched to the control room. And Tarim, uncertain of what to do and how to behave, decided to stick closely to her savior and ignore the curious looks some people were already giving her.

"Let's get the hell out of here," she simply said, once she sat in the command chair.

"Right away, Larrin," nodded one of her men, and a few moments later the ship took off . An evil smirk appeared on Larrin's lips as the smoking ruins of Kelosia's capital city came into sight, but Tarim couldn't bring herself to do the same. Sure Kelosians were monsters who tortured and enslaved people and she probably would've died if the Travelers had never shown up to save their leader… but still, watching the destruction in their wake wasn't giving her the catharsis she was hoping for.

Once amidst the safety of the stars, Larrin ordered to jump the ship into hyperspace, to a planet where they could safely trade and take a needed break. Just then the man Larrin had spoken to a few moments earlier – a dark-haired man that had to be her second-in-command – asked Larrin if it weren't the case to pay a visit to someone named Marek.

"If you say so," said Larrin, getting up. "But don't get too used to sitting in my chair!"

"Too late for that, I'm afraid," he said with an amused smile. Larrin motioned Tarim to come with her, and didn't bother to introduce her to anyone, except Marek. The ship's doctor.

"Marek, this is Tarim. Tarim, Marek will patch you up, right after he's done with me. Come on, Doc, and be quick. I have a ship to command," she said, sitting on the cot.

"Hello to you too, Larrin," said the doctor with a sigh, and smiled Tarim, but the woman instinctively retreated to a corner of the room. Marek's brow furrowed as he observed this behavior, before finally gesturing for Tarim to sit in a chair. Once she was sitting he disappeared with Larrin behind a curtain. But Larrin wasn't an easy patient to deal with, and everything the doctor did or tried to do was met with a snarky remark, or a colorful swearword and even a kick if he hit a sore spot. If Tarim wasn't so terrified of the moment when her turn came to be with the man behind the curtain, she would have enjoyed the scene much more. Thirty minutes later Larrin yanked the curtain aside and slid down from the cot. "Larrin, for God's sake. We haven't finished yet!"

"We have. I'm fine, Marek, how many times do I have to tell you?"

"Enough for me to start believing it?"

Larrin narrowed her eyes and shot him a death glare, enough for the doctor to raise his hands in defeat and declare her fit for duty.

"Like I suspected. Now, take good care of my friend Tarim while I'm gone. He's a good man and I trust him," she then added in a lower tone, so that only Tarim would hear. "Don't be afraid."

Tarim slowly nodded and Larrin left her in the doctor's hands. Marek was the most patient and caring man she knew and an excellent doctor, but Larrin wasn't that surprised when Daran – her second-in-command – found Tarim wandering around the ship, after just 20 minutes with Marek. Daran took her to Larrin's quarters, surprised at how different Tarim now looked compared to when he first saw her. The wound on her cheek was treated, she was wearing a Traveler uniform, and her hair, was now brushed and trimmed, barely grazing her neck.

"Nice haircut," commented Larrin as Daran handed her over. "Didn't know Marek could do that."

"A girl named Shani did it. I… I didn't… I might have overreacted when the doctor tried to check my bruises."

"Shani is his assistant, she's a good girl. But I want you to go through that physical as soon as possible. Marek is one of the best people I know, and he would never harm anyone on purpose."

"I know. But it's… difficult."

Without thinking, Tarim moved the hair behind her ear, exposing the bandage on her cheek. Larrin made an annoyed face when she saw the woman lowered her eyes, immediately covering the gauze back.

"Oh, for the Ancestor's sake! Stop acting like it's your fault. It was theirs, Tarim. _Theirs_. And they paid for it."

But it was also very likely she would receive the visit of a very angry Sheppard in the forthcoming days. Or maybe he would thank her for destroying his torturers. The people in Atlantis might have had their hands tied, but hers definitely weren't.

"I'll need time to adjust, I suppose."

"Good for you because you can have all the time you need. Remember the physical, when you're ready. Come with me now, I want to show you to your quarters."

Moving through the corridors of the ship was quite a complicated procedure. The ship looked like it had been repaired many, many times and even if Larrin assured her that it went under heavy maintenance only a few months earlier, it still looked a miracle to Tarim that the ship could actually fly. Lots of debris still hung down from the ceiling or was scattered on the floor; Tarim tripped over some and fall at least a couple of times on the way to her new accommodations. Larrin didn't seem to notice… or, like Tarim suspected, she did and enjoyed the unexpected show. That woman was one of a kind, Tarim thought, but to rule a fleet and a nation at her age, she clearly had to be.

The room Larrin assigned her could barely be considered a room. Actually, it looked more like a storage closet that by chance happened to have a bed, a small table and a chair in it. But as Larrin explained, the ship was overpopulated and personal space was a luxury they couldn't afford. She was lucky the previous tenant died of food poisoning the day before.

"Bad for her, good for you. And you won't have to share the room with someone else, like the others do."

"Even you?"

"No, and that's the privilege of being the boss around here. Can I leave you alone now?"

Tarim nodded, but she had one more question for Larrin.

"How can you act like nothing happened?" It was just a whisper but it was enough to remove Larrin's hand from the door sensor. She sighed and her hand fell to her side. "It happened, Tarim. It was a dreadful experience, a nightmare if you want, but now it's over. I got my revenge, and so did you. We have to move on. If we don't… then Rilian won. And I'll be damned if I'll let that happen. I won't let a Kelosian destroy my life if it's the last thing I'll _ever_ do. Just my humble opinion, of course. You do whatever the hell you want."

"I wish I could say the same."

"Stop wishing and start acting. Here's my advice," Larrin said, opening the door and getting out of the room. She had a ship to command and an order to give to Daran: he was to instruct every chief of every village, every informant, every trading partner that they had to look for information on Tarim. She offered that woman a place among her people because she trusted her instinct, but she wanted to be one hundred percent certain she hadn't brought a mole into the fleet. She wasn't exactly hoping to find something, but after a month without any results, Larrin was starting to wonder if she'd ever really know any more about Tarim. One peculiar thing about her was how fast she got used to living on a spaceship and working in the food processing area, the least complicated task Larrin could find for her where a few trusted people could keep an eye on her on Larrin's behalf.

Larrin herself couldn't explain her action: her gut told her she could trust Tarim, but her head kept screaming that there was something about her that didn't quite add up. Another month passed and Larrin was close to ordering a stop to the search when Tarim, inadvertently, gave her a good reason to keep going.

It happened on Tarim's day off. Tarim was enjoying some rest in her microscopic room, reading a book and eating a fresh apple she got thanks to Marek and his 'connections', when she heard two women fighting loudly near her door. Apparently, the fight was about a comb that one of them found and the other claimed it was hers. Tarim ignored the fight as best she could, for at least a half an hour, but finally she closed her book with an exasperated sigh and stormed out the door.

"In the name of the Ancestors," she shouted, "what the hell is going on?"

For a second, the two women stopped fighting just to shout at Tarim to mind her own business (in a very colorful language). Tarim was a little taken aback by their reaction but she immediately tried to talk to them again, using a gentler, calmer tone. After she got the two women to tell her their names – Denna and Brita – Tarim asked them to explain the situation. She wanted to hear both versions of the story.

"A third party that doesn't know any of you can be more objective, don't you think?"

Tarim couldn't believe they actually agreed, but after listening to both stories it was clear that Brita was the legitimate owner, but that Denna, mother of three, needed it more. She then suggested to Brita to leave the comb to Denna until Denna could afford to buy her own, but Denna had to be ready to give the comb to Brita every time she needed it. And to be sure Brita didn't change her mind, she had to borrow something of Denna's until she could return the comb.

To Tarim, that didn't seem like such a big deal, so she didn't understand why Denna and Brita were looking at her in complete awe and thanked her profusely for the advice. She was just happy to see them go so she could go back to her half eaten apple and book.

Neither Tarim nor the two women had noticed Larrin and Daran standing around the corner, both wearing matching perplexed expressions.

"You still want me to stop looking for intel, Larrin?"

"Before this moment, I would have said yes.. But now I want you to sift the galaxy if you have to. That is not a farmer's wife, even if she claims to be."

"Do you think she's lying?"

"No… I think she honestly believes to be who she claims to be. But come on, does she look like that type?"

Daran lowered his eyes for a second, collecting his thoughts. "No. Now that I've had time to observe her, she looks too educated, too polished to be just that. A diplomat, maybe. An ambassador. Someone used to making decisions, listening and negotiating between opposite parties. She clearly has major skills in that department."

"Then tell your friends to keep their eyes and ears open. If a female ambassador, diplomat, governor, head of village, _whatever_, has vanished in the last months, I want to know."

"And what do you want to do in the meantime?"

"Absolutely nothing," replied Larrin.

"Care to explain?" Daran asked, a little shocked.

"I don't think we can learn more from an amnesiac woman than what we already know, especially if the woman is not aware she's telling a lie. Questioning her again would be useless. And here comes the most important thing: she just pacified two of the most annoying creatures I ever had the misfortune to cross paths with. You heard that too… it worked like a spell. And I'm really curious to see that talent of hers in action again."

Larrin's wish was granted sooner than she thought. Brita and Denna lost no time spreading the word and telling everybody how the mysterious woman Larrin brought on board from Kelosia helped them to find a common ground and stop fighting. And suddenly Tarim found a long queue of people at her door, looking for her help and advice every day. Daran, on Larrin's behalf, discretely inquired a few of those people, and everyone – even the losing parties – were unanimous to tell him that Tarim was a good mediator and a fair, honest judge. People respected her decisions, and most of all, began to respect her. So much actually, that a few times even ship captains asked Larrin if her negotiator could board their ships to put an end to some ongoing fights. Tarim became too much of an asset to be wasted in the kitchens 10 hours a day; what had started just as a hobby had become her only job.

Larrin had to plead, move a few strings, threaten a few and blackmail the rest, but after a couple months she was finally able to provide her friend with larger, more comfortable quarters in which she could live and work. By that time Larrin was once again sure she would never discover the truth about her mysterious friend, so when Daran came to her one day and informed her he had finally found a lead, she felt tempted to ignore it for a second. But Larrin being Larrin, decided that either way she had to know. She made up an excuse, left her ship in Daran's hands, and using the Stargate arrived on a planet called Oziel, where supposedly Tarim had lived until the Kelosians abducted her. One of Larrin's usual trading partners was already there waiting for her, and he immediately escorted her to Tarim's village. Larrin thought she would meet a relative of Tarim's, friends even… she wasn't quite ready to meet a dark-haired girl of about her age, and clearly pregnant. And most important thing of all, she wasn't ready to hear her say that she was Tarim and that she didn't understand why Larrin was looking for her.

"That's very strange, especially since I met you in a Kelosian prison."

The real Tarim lowered her eyes. "I knew that sooner or later someone would come looking. But if you think I'll come with you…"

"Darling, calm down. I don't want to harm you. And Kelosia has been destroyed, in case you haven't heard."

"Destroyed? Praise the Gods. That race was… evil is too nice a word for them."

"Can't say you're wrong. Now why don't you tell me how things really went?"

Tarim sat in a chair. "My father was full of debts. We were this close to losing everything when Palik showed up. I married him even if he was three times my age, and in exchange for that he resolved my family's financial problems. He was a tyrant… I was just another pretty thing he bought for his pleasure, nothing more. He made sure to remind me this at every moment of every given day. And at the end of one of these days he traded me to a Kelosian, to settle a debt. He actually said I wasn't even worth that much," whispered the girl, wiping away a tear.

"I left with that man and his other slaves that night, without any warning to my family. But luckily for me the ring of the Ancestors is close to this village, and most of my family lives here. I ran away, trying to find help, but I got caught again… they beat me so hard and for so long, I lost consciousness. They believed I was dead… and I wished I would be. The last thing I heard was a man shouting he had just found a green-eyed woman near the ring. When I woke up, I was alone. I reached the village, told my family what happened. They decided they would give Palik a taste of his own medicine."

"And you welcomed him back after what he did to you?" asked Larrin, eyeing her pregnant belly. "How far along are you? Seven months? Eight?"

"Widows must mourn their late husbands for a month in sign of respect. I respected the tradition, and I married the man I was previously betrothed to the day after my 'mourning' was over. I'm rich, I'm happy, and I'm carrying the child of a man who truly loves me. There's really nothing more to say."

"No, there isn't," concurred Larrin, and reached for the door.

"Wait! Please… What happened to that woman?"

"The one who took in your place you mean?" asked Larrin, turning slightly.

"Yes. Is she fine?"

"She couldn't remember a thing about her real identity, so they made her believe she was you. She's a brave woman," Larrin said. "I hope she'll find her real identity one day."

"Things worked out for me in the end. I hope she will be as lucky."

Larrin nodded. As she left the house she thought about what she just learned. So her suspicions were right after all: Tarim wasn't Tarim.

Then who the hell was she?


End file.
